i don’t want someone who thinks i’m perfect, i want someone who knows i’m not and loves me anyway
"I wish you were in this room with me right now. I wish I could put my arms around you. I wish I could touch you."
"
Dear Future Soulmate,
I’m clingy, but I’ll never admit it. I’ll check my phone every 5 minutes to see if you’ve replied to something I’ve drafted numerous times in my head. I’ll get anxious when you don’t answer me back for a long time, and I’ll think to myself maybe you’ve had enough of me. Yet when your message finally comes, it doesn’t matter what you’ve said because the simple act of replying assures me that you’re still mine. At least, for the time being it will.
I’ll get jealous a lot, but please don’t misconstrue it as me tying you down. I won’t get jealous because I want you all to myself, no. I want you to be able spend time with family, friends, and everyone else in between. I’ll get jealous because maybe, just maybe you’ll find something special in someone else, as you did with me. I’ll be weary that maybe you’ll look at someone just as how you look at me, or your heart will begin to wander somewhere else.
I’m insecure, and it’s of no fault of your own. When I say something a little negative about myself, it’s not a cry for attention nor is it me wanting you to disagree with me. It’s me just being me. Before you, I’ll probably never imagine in a million years that you’d be mine. So by virtue of the fact that we’re together makes me even more insecure. But let me make something clear, I won’t be bagging on myself all the time. I know what talents I possess, what I excel in, the aspects in my physique that work in my favor, and so on. I’m just more vocal on the things which fall in the opposite categories.
I’ll possess many faults, and I’m not looking for you to fix them. I think when I finally meet you, I’ll be more accepting of these faults than I am now. All I’m asking is that you accept them with me.
I know this letter seems to be focusing on the negative things about me, and it’s quite a bit to take in… so let me make a change of pace.
I’ll always love you. When we’re finally acquainted, and we finally begin to personify the definition of love for one another, I’ll never need another definition. I’ve told myself countless times that I would never cheat on someone because I know what that feels like. I’ll love you more than I love myself and I know that isn’t too great but that’s just how I am. I’m going to fall in love with the way your smile dances across your face every time you see me, I’ll fall in love with the way you lose yourself in the things you love, I’ll fall in love with the way your voice fluctuates depending on how you’re feeling, I’ll fall in love with the way you say my name, and I’ll most definitely fall in love with so much more. I’ll study everything about you, I’ll remember the slightest details about you and your life. I’ll know what you look like when you’re upset without you having to say a word, I’ll know how you like your coffee in the morning, I’ll know how long it takes you to get ready before we go out, I’ll know most of the trivial things about you and the rest I’ll learn along the way. I pray you’ll be able to do the same as well.
If you’re still reading, and you haven’t run away… I’ll probably be sitting across from you looking insanely nervous and insecure. I’d be sitting with my legs folded under me on the chair anxiously waiting for your reaction. On top of that I’ll probably be ready to burst into tears of happiness or tears of sadness.
So to end this letter, which my actual soulmate will read once the time comes… I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a reason to live again, thank you for proving to me that love really is meant for me, and thank you for being my reason to be alive.
""I cared once. Fucked me up."
"I was lying in my bed this morning and all of a sudden I got this really sharp pain right by my heart. I felt like I was getting stabbed in the heart. It lasted for about 15 seconds. My thoughts were racing and I was trying to breathe heavy to get it to go away and I thought I was going to die. This is the part where it applies to every single one of you. I’ve tried to take my life before, I’ve wanted to die so many times in my life, but when I felt like something was going to kill me without my control, all of those thoughts stopped. In my mind I was begging I would be okay. No matter how much you hate the world, no matter how much you hate yourself, there are answers that are better than death. Believe me. There are people that love you. I love you, for crying out loud. There are people who would be a wreck if you were gone. There is a reason we are all on this Earth, I promise you, even if you don’t see it now. If you’re feeling alone, know that the world can be a lonely place but it would be lonelier without you in it."
YOU’RE a baby
I’M a baby
WE CAN BE BABIES TOGETHER
Quite frankly, I’ll read John Green’s Grocery list.
